Day 50

I was awakened by my lovely cell phone going off and 9:30 this morning and I'm actually glad that it did.  I could have very easily just stayed in bed for a few more hours but, I wanted to get my dear sweet workout done and then relax for the day.  However, things don't always go as planned.  I got up and had my shower and then had my oat bran with half a cup of blueberries in it and then made my way over to the bus stop.

While waiting there, I was blessed to have this wonderful woman sitting beside me that made me think that maybe I should walk over to the next stop but, she'd still be on the bus with me and I figured I would just stay there and listen to her talk to herself.  And yes, she was talking with herself, there were definitely no little gadgets attached to her ears.  So, I got onto the bus, went over to clareview and continued my walk over to the gym.

I started off on the treadmill on a 12 incline which is my normal, on a 2.2 and then after 5 min, dropped it down a full incline after another 2 min.  Every 2 min, I dropped the incline by 1 and by the time I got to a 6 incline I increased my speed to a 2.4 and then every minute after that increased it the speed by .1 until I hit a 2.8 and carried on until I hit 25 min.  I did my cool down, went to the bathroom and started to go back to the treadmill but, I wasn't quite sure that I wanted to continue on for another half an hour on there.

Instead, i felt pretty good so I jumped onto the eliptical.  I still had to take breaks while I was on it quite a few times, but there were times where I was able to go 2 - 3 min on it without stopping.  I wound up going for 22 min, which is the longest by far that I have been on the eliptical and I was really happy about that.  I've come to term with the fact that right now, my body is not quite used to the way that it moves on the eliptical and I am still happy that I was able to go for as long as I did.  I am hoping to slowly re-train my mind in the next little while and then I will be able to do whatever I want when I go to the gym without feeling guilty or upset with myself.

I still need to do my stretches tonight which I will do after supper and when I do, I will be sure to come back and edit this blog to incorporate everything else that I may be doing later on this evening.

Day 49

Again this morning I woke up feeling frustrated and not looking forward to the long walk to the gym.  I really don't understand what is going on with me and I think that Jeremy has helped me in a few ways today to figure some of it out.  We started off doing the rowing weights on the bench and I had to do about 12 of them, or as many as I could and then go up and down the stairs twice.  I repeated this 3 times and then took a quick rest to get a drink of water and then he grabbed the bonsai ball and I had to do 15 lunges on it, and then bicep curls on the other end of the machine.  It was really tough for me to do because my wrists were hurting every time I went to pull down.  I don't know if it was because I wasn't doing it right, or if it was the bar, but we tried to do these reps twice and then Jeremy said he was going to switch it up a little.  I had to stand on the bonsai ball and then do the rowing pulls 12 times on each arm and try to keep my balance on the ball.  It's actually quite tough to do.

And then he went over to grab the mats and had me do 20 ab crunches roll over onto my tummy and do the plank and then ab crunches 20 times again.  I actually was able to do the plank for 15 seconds on my toes!!!!  It was quite a feat for me and I was actually really impressed that I could do it and Jeremy was really excited as well.  From there, he had me lay on the mat and pull my left leg over to the right with my right and and then the left side, point my toes and bring my hands over my head and reaching for the stars so to speak.  He then had me put my right ankle on my left knee and then he took ahold of my leg and ankle and then kind of pushed into me to help stretch out my glutes.  He repeated on the other side and then proceeded to give me my homework for the next couple of days. 

We made a list today of things that I am thankful for in my life and things that I love and then told me I needed to type it up on the computer and then every time I felt like I was in a negative mood, to read them and remind myself of the positives in my life that is happening.  He then told me to do stretches every day, no excuses and said that he was really proud of me today and that I did an amazing job,

I knew that this was going to be a long process and I knew that it was going to be painful physically but, I really didn't think it would have the emotional toll on me that is has.  I am rethinking about all aspects of my life and about what kinds of things make me happy and quite honestly, I'm not sure how long that is going to take, but while this next process is in the works, I may or may not be in the best of spirits all of the time so therefore, I am asking for the support of those that have helped me come this far and to continue to keep the comments and motivation coming!  I thank you all very deeply from the bottom of my heart!  More tomorrow as I will be going to the gym at some point during the day.

Day 48

Yesterday was a rest day and by george, I needed it!  I am still really sore today and I don't know how I'm going to help myself with the pain but, I am going to try anything I can to get better.  I'm gonna have to because tomorrow I have my next session with Jeremy in the morning at 11 and I don't want to be a total wimp.

Today is roughly about the same as yesterday, I still can't raise my arms above my head, and I'm still feeling a little on the frustrated side like I was the other day.  With being weigh in day, I am a little bit in a better mood.  I did my weight this morning and the scale says that officially I have lost 14 lbs so far to date.  Another 26 lbs and the next part of my journey is going to be started.

This morning I went to the gym for 9am and I started off on the treadmill at a 12 incline for 5 min at a 2 speed and then slowly decreased the incline down each min by 1.  I went for a total of 17 min and then decided to try the eliptical once more.  I made it about 5 min before I quit and went to the hamstring machine to stretch out the glutes and hamstrings and then went over to the flexibility machine to stretch out there as well.  Once I was finished stretching I went back onto the treadmill for a 10 min speed walk at a 2.8 and 4.5 incline and then rested for 1 min before continuing on for another 30 min doing the cardio workout on the machine.  It maintained my heart rate at 145 and wound up doing anywhere from a 6 incline to a 9.3 incline on a 2.2 speed.

I was sort of impressed with the workout, just because of the fact that I was at a 2.2 speed at a higher incline than normal but a little on the dissappointed side for not being able to do as much as I want to do.  I will be doing some of my stretches in a little bit here and then hoping to get my step ups in before I have to go to work.  I really want to be able to be pain free for tonight.  However, if it winds up that I am not, then I guess I'm not.  Tomorrow I will write after my session with Jeremy.

Day 46

It's not a good today at all.  I woke up feeling a little on the bummed out side and it's kind of sticking with me today.  I'm not feeling the motivation, I'm not feeling the support, and I just plain don't feel happy today.  I've been doing a lot of thinking in my workouts lately and although I won't disclose particulars here, I know what the problems are and I am in need of discussing them with the respected people that I have issues with.  These specific people should not be surprised when I do approach them, and not feel defensive, it's how I feel and I just want to let them know the effect that they have on me.

Moving on to my session with Jeremy, we tend to talk a lot lately and I am really thankful because I can talk to him about certain things and he basically just listens and offers advice if he has any.  He asked me today why I was feeling frustrated and I told him flat out that the support system that I thought I had, I really don't have.  He then told me that I was not doing this for anyone but myself and that I should be happy with myself because I have come such a long way from where we started. 

Throughout the whole session we did muscle endurance, I had to basically do all forms of bench pressing from holding my arms out to the sides and pulling the bars to the front 35 times, sumo squats 15 times, bicep curlups 25 times, and then sitting on a machine and with my elbows bent, push forward on the bars 35 times.  I had to do three reps of each and then we went to the stairs and did 35 calf stretches on tip toes and then each foot pushed down for a min on each.  Once done we went upstairs and did the hamstring stretch, stretched the glutes and then the flexibility machine.

Jeremy was actually pretty good today, very positive as usual and quite funny.  He told me how impressed he was with me and that apparently I knew how to get to his heart.  :)  Obviously he really appreciated the tim horton's gift card I gave him on the last session and he's put that to good use.  My homework for the next few days is to do an hour and a half of cardio, and stretches every day until Monday at 11am.

Hopefully within the next few days I will be able to sort out my issues with myself and to speak to those that I need to about what is bothering me.  Thanks to those who have chosen to read this rant and rave.

Day 44

Ok so I slacked a little on the blog area the last couple days.  Let's see if I can remember what happened.  Well, Jeremy said that my homework was to take Tuesday off for me and while I was really looking forward to it, I just couldn't go through with it.  I got up in the morning to meet with Shawn at Esso because I had talked to Mike (my boss) about getting him a job there.  From there, Shawn came back here and hung out with me for the day.  It was pretty nice and relaxing, we didn't really do much, just sat here and watched tv and chatted throughout the day.  He then offered to make supper for us and we wound up having fish, thai curry noodles and steamed peas.  He did a really good job with it!  After supper was over, Jan went to go pick up the dogs from the groomers and I was feeling really guilty for not going to the gym.  I have no idea why, maybe cause I was bored, and missed it, I don't know.  So, when Jan got home, I borrowed the car and headed over to the gym where I met Nikki and Matt.

Instead of starting off on the treadmill like normal, we decided to start off on the eliptical.  The gym was really busy and almost every treadmill was either busy or broken.  So, the eliptical it was.  I did a total of 17 min, which is pretty good, but what frustrated me was that my left knee was still bothering me and my right thigh was in a bit of pain so every minute to a mintute and a half I had to stop and take a break.  I was so dissappointed in myself and decided finally to go and do the bike for 10 min.  Even doing the bike didn't really do anything for me and I just gave up.  I suppose looking back I could have maybe done some stretching but, at the time I was really upset with myself and just decided to call it a night.  Sometimes you just can't do what you want to do.

Yesterday I took as my rest day and it was definitely a rest day not to mention a slacker of a day for healthy food choices.  I had a pizza pita sandwich from work and a pepporoni cheese stick and then later on we had McDonald's for supper.  I had 2 grilled chicken spicy snack wraps and a medium fries.  I probably could've cut out the fries, but, I figured, what the heck?  I've been pretty good with my food intake the last couple months.

Today I got my butt out of bed quite early, 6am in fact, and was ready to go to the gym by the time Jan was ready to leave for work.  She gave me a ride to the superstore parking lot and I was at the gym by 8:30.  I started myself on the treadmill at a 12 incline and 2 speed for 4 min and then every 2 min bumped the incline down by .5.  Once I hit a 9 incline I lowered the incline to 8.5 and bumped the speed to 2.1 a min it.  Eventually I was at a 5 incline and a speed of 2.6.  I wound up burning 313 calories in the 34 min that I was on the treadmill and then decided to try the Eliptical once more.  I was not going to let the sucker get me!

I started off at a pretty slow pace and kept that going for 5 min before I had to take a break and drink some water and then got right back to it again.  Stopped at the 10 min mark and had another drink and went for another 3 1/2.  This time I stopped for about a min and then carried on.  My total time was 20 min and I had burned another 200 calories!  I was so excited that I had to text Nikki and let her know!  She knew how upset I was on Tuesday for not being able to do it so she was quite happy for me that I was able to do it today.

Tomorrow I have a session with Jeremy at 11 and although I am a little concerned about the left knee, I am really hoping that it will be better.  I want to be able to do the workout tomorrow with as little stopping as possible so that I can get the most effect out of it.  Here's hoping!

Day 41

Today has been an interesting day that's for sure.  I woke up in the most awful mood, jumped in the shower, tripped over the dog on the way to the bedroom, left late to catch the bus, almost missed it, while walking across the street dropped my cigarette in the middle of the intersection, couldn't get it, got to tim horton's for breakfast and noone understood a word of english, got my order paid for and was told that they didn't have any eggs and therefore had to change the thing, and then by the time I was ready to do my session, was really not ready and anxious to do it......

Jeremy came to get me from the treadmill and asked me how I was doing, so I told him that I wasn't really in a very happy mood at that time but it would surely change by the time I was done.  And it did!  Again, we talked throughout the session, my right leg and left knee was bugging me today so we basically just did a bunch of weight lifting today. 

I started off with 5lb weight lifts while sitting on the bench and lifting the weights straight up 12 times with each arm and then 12 bicep curlups on each arm.  Then, we went over to another hamstring machine that works a little bit different from the one that I am used to using.  This one you use while standing up.  Basically you hook your leg around a foot pedal, lean your chest onto a pad and push your leg backwards while lifting weights.  Did this 12 times and then back to the bench to do more weight lifting.  We did another 12 reps straight up, and then double bicep curls and then back to the hamstring machine for a repeat, 12 times on each leg.  From there we went over to the railing and did calf stretching.  Then I did 45 lb rowing on a different bench, moved over to the other side and reaching up on my tip toes, had to grab a bar and sit facing the machine and pulling down another 45lbs.  I had to go up and down the stairs twice and repeat.  This time instead of doing the stairs twice I had to go to the bike and sprint for 3 min as fast as I could and then rest.  Then doing the rowing bars again, this time with 60lbs and then sprint for 2 min on the bike.  Finally he had me do the cross body pull with 45lb weights and then for a cool down I did 5 min on the treadmill.

I may have left a few things out but, it's all I can remember at this time.  As soon as Jenn and I were done, we headed on our way to the bus stop.  By this time, I was feeling a bit better and wanted soup and sandwiches for lunch, so we went to Sobeys where I dropped a can of soup on my toe!  So the bad day continues!  Yay!  We got home, started lunch, and when we were ready to eat, I dropped the soup ladle on the floor.  Then I'm eating lunch and dropped my tomato.  Clearly I am not meant to be using my hands today.  However, I am slowly feeling better and by this evening I'm sure I will be for sure up to snuff! 

Day 40

It's Weigh In Day!  YAY!  Was awake to get ready for the gym this morning at 7am and it was pretty slow moving this morning.  My right leg is a little bit sore from the eliptical yesterday and therefore when I was coming down the stairs, I had to take it really easy so I wouldn't fall down the stairs.  However, I made it to the basement just fine, turned on the wii and jumped onto the balance board.  I wound up hitting 251.5 lbs!  To date, total weight loss is 12.5 lbs lost!!

Once finished doing the "wahoo dance" in the basement, I went upstairs and got ready to go to the gym.  I came down to the kitchen and realized that Jan had left the car keys and registration on the counter and I thought I would drive to work but then stuff happened that I don't feel like sharing at this point and I wound up walking to the gym.  I got there at 8:40 and at this time Nikki had finally texted me back and was on her way.  We met at the esso to have a bite to eat and then headed over.

I first used the hamstring machine and stretched each leg for 1 min and then putting my right ankle on my left knee and stretching that way on each leg for a min as well.  Then I moved over to the flexibility machine and stretched each leg for a min each and grabbed the 7.5lb barbells.  Sitting on the edge of a bench I did 10 side arm lifts and 10 curlups and then switched to the 5 lb barbell and repeated.  By this time, my legs were ready to hit the treadmill.

I started off on the treadmill at a 12 incline and 2.0 speed for four minutes and then slowly dropped the incline by .5 every minute until I reached 7 incline.  From there, I tried going for two min and again dropping the incline down .5 every time.  Once I hit a 4 incline I had a small little break and then hit the incline up to 4.5 and the speed to 2.1.  For every 30 sec I upped the incline by .5 and got the speed up to 2.4.  By the end of my 30 min, I was at a 9 incline and 2.4 speed.  Not to mention the fact that I had burned about 281 calories in 35 min.

Once finished with the treadmill I was still feeling pretty good and went over to the eliptical for a bit.  I did 12 min on there, which I wanted to do at least 15 but, I went longer than yesterday so it's all good.

From there I went over to the rope railing and did the cross body stretch on each arm, went to the rope pulley and lifted 50lbs with each arm 10 times, and then the split rope I pulled 50 lbs down 10 times and then repeated the cross body stretch on each arm.

Finally we decided to get some more stretching in so I got down on the mat and stretched my legs out with my right foot against my left thigh and leaning forward, repeating on the other leg and then with both legs extended bent forward a little bit to stretch the back.  Then laying down on the mat I pointed my toes across the gym and reached above my head and held on for about 30 seconds and then did the spinal extension on each leg for about 30 sec.

It was an awesome workout and we wound up staying for an hour and a half!  In total, with my walk and workout, I did 2 hours and 10 min today!  YAY!

Tomorrow is my session with Jeremy and Jenn is coming to work out while I see Jeremy and then we will be coming back here to chillax and other things.  It should be a groovey day!  I will more than most likely post roughly around 1pm tomorrow :)