Day 49

Again this morning I woke up feeling frustrated and not looking forward to the long walk to the gym.  I really don't understand what is going on with me and I think that Jeremy has helped me in a few ways today to figure some of it out.  We started off doing the rowing weights on the bench and I had to do about 12 of them, or as many as I could and then go up and down the stairs twice.  I repeated this 3 times and then took a quick rest to get a drink of water and then he grabbed the bonsai ball and I had to do 15 lunges on it, and then bicep curls on the other end of the machine.  It was really tough for me to do because my wrists were hurting every time I went to pull down.  I don't know if it was because I wasn't doing it right, or if it was the bar, but we tried to do these reps twice and then Jeremy said he was going to switch it up a little.  I had to stand on the bonsai ball and then do the rowing pulls 12 times on each arm and try to keep my balance on the ball.  It's actually quite tough to do.

And then he went over to grab the mats and had me do 20 ab crunches roll over onto my tummy and do the plank and then ab crunches 20 times again.  I actually was able to do the plank for 15 seconds on my toes!!!!  It was quite a feat for me and I was actually really impressed that I could do it and Jeremy was really excited as well.  From there, he had me lay on the mat and pull my left leg over to the right with my right and and then the left side, point my toes and bring my hands over my head and reaching for the stars so to speak.  He then had me put my right ankle on my left knee and then he took ahold of my leg and ankle and then kind of pushed into me to help stretch out my glutes.  He repeated on the other side and then proceeded to give me my homework for the next couple of days. 

We made a list today of things that I am thankful for in my life and things that I love and then told me I needed to type it up on the computer and then every time I felt like I was in a negative mood, to read them and remind myself of the positives in my life that is happening.  He then told me to do stretches every day, no excuses and said that he was really proud of me today and that I did an amazing job,

I knew that this was going to be a long process and I knew that it was going to be painful physically but, I really didn't think it would have the emotional toll on me that is has.  I am rethinking about all aspects of my life and about what kinds of things make me happy and quite honestly, I'm not sure how long that is going to take, but while this next process is in the works, I may or may not be in the best of spirits all of the time so therefore, I am asking for the support of those that have helped me come this far and to continue to keep the comments and motivation coming!  I thank you all very deeply from the bottom of my heart!  More tomorrow as I will be going to the gym at some point during the day.