I did not go to the gym today, and I am feeling extremely guilty. For the last 3 weeks I feel like I have accomplished nothing really and that I haven't been giving it my all. I also feel like I am starting to slip and I am not sure why I am but, I do know that I cannot allow myself to do this anymore.
When I started my job with McDonalds I was very happy to finally be going back. I know, McDonalds, you can do so much better than that. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me all of these long years that I have worked for the company. I love my job, I love the people I interact with, especially the staff. I get new challenges every single time I go in and that is what intrigues me.
About a month ago, I started to notice that my feet were getting really bad. I also noticed that I would stay home from the gym more, neglect my stretches more and now I just can't do it anymore. I put in my notice at McDonald's last night. I can't do this job physically and it really makes me feel like I am defeated. I feel useless and I know that it is not my fault, that my body can't take standing on my feet for 8 hours a day and running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
My eating habits are starting to get really out of wack too. It's not like before where I was eating way more than I should have been, but it is slipping as well. And so, because of the back, feet and unhealthy eating habits, this is why I have decided to quit. I have no choice. I have to. If I want to continue on my journey of a healthier lifestyle and if I want to get any better, I have to remove myself from the restaurant scene immediately.
Last week I applied for a job at Epcor. I had a mini interview on the phone, and then went in this past Tuesday for an actual person to person interview. I believe I did well, in fact, Sara works there and she gave me the heads up that my name is on the "yes" pile. So, I handed in my notice to McDonalds. My whole thought process was, even if it doesn't pan out for Epcor, I still have my job at Esso. I called them before I started work and asked them if I could come back full time if I did not get the job at Epcor. They said they will find something for me and not to worry about how I will be making my bills.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster today. Like I said, I feel really bad for leaving. I really did think that I was going to be ok and that I could do the job. This frustrates me to no end because I really didn't want to quit.
However, once I got home from work, I did do my stretches. The pain was almost unbearable as I haven't done any stretches since Monday and of course my feet are really bad right now as well. I sure hope this Plantar Fasciatis will go away soon. I don't need it on top of the scoliosis and I am really tired of almost falling when I get out of bed in the morning.
Tomorrow morning I hope to be up at 8 am so that I am able to go to the gym. I really do wish that my feet will be ok because I just want to go and lose myself for a couple of hours. I need some time to think, and I need some time to pick myself back up and get back on track. Only I can do this and no amount of motivation and support can do that for me. I have to do it on my own. I have also been doing a lot of thinking about getting more sessions. I was originally thinking that if I could afford to pay the money before, I can pay the money again. After thinking about it, and wondering if I really can do this on my own, I have concluded that I am not going to purchase more. I need to stand on my own two feet and give it my all. I have come so far with a bit of help, but I will do the rest by myself.
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