Last night I went to my Aunt Cherilyn's house for a stayover and although I did have a fantastic time, I am very glad to be home. I look forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight as I did not have a very good sleep last night. I'm not sure if it is because I was not in my own house, or if my mind was still reeling from the events of the day, or what was going on. I do know that because of my crappy sleep, I was in one of those moods today.
I hate feeling so angry all the time and so sore and frustrated. It's definitely not what I wanted to sign up for with this journey. I went to the gym after Aunty dropped me off at Southgate transit centre. Took the LRT, almost fell asleep on some old guy sitting beside me, ew, and then walked over because I didn't want to chance getting on the same bus with the guy. No, I'm just kidding about the old guy. But I did almost fall asleep.
So I got to the gym with my 55lb bag, stuffed all of my junk in the locker, literally, and headed upstairs. I saw Jeremy out of the corner of my eye but, because I was in such a foul mood, I really didn't want to talk to anyone. At all. So I jumped on the treadmill and put it on a 6.5 incline and 3 speed for 15 min and then figured I better go to the bathroom before I did anything else.
Again, as I was walking by and texting, Jeremy said hi to me and so I said hey and kept on walking. I noticed that he was kind of looking at me a little bit, I am pretty sure he knew I wasn't in a good mood and he wanted to ask me why but, I guess I will have to save that for our session on Friday. After my bathroom break, I jumped on the eliptical, yes the eliptical. I did that for 10 min alternating the levels from a 6 to a 2 every min. It was pretty good, and I would have continued, but then I had to get going so that I could come home and babysit Sophia.
I walked the 45 min home, so in total I did get my hour of cardio in that was required for my homework. Yay me. But I was still in a foul mood. Pretty much all day was just not for me, I wanted to cry one minute, yell the next, and just throw things around another minute. Sophia helped alot because whenever she is around I just smile and love her. That's all I can do.
Once Matt came to pick her up though, it was back to square one. Absolutely grumpy. I think it has alot to do with the events of the last 3 days which I cannot go into detail but, certain people frustrated me and I have to figure out how I'm going to call them on it.
So, considering I was by myself and that there really wasn't anyone to call and talk to that didn't involve the parties that ticked me off, I called my bestest buddy in the whole world. Miss Melly! She is always wise and motivating and tells me exactly the way it is, no matter how bad it may make me feel. I can always trust her to tell me the truth, and I can always depend on her to be completely honest with me.
Of course, I cursed a bit, yelled a little, cried alot, and she made me feel so much better. I was thinking about cancelling my sessions for the next little while. I actually had the text message written out to Jeremy but, I didn't send it.
I know that I have come along way and I know there are people out there that are proud along with me, and you know who you are. Those of you also know that once I'm finished with this journey of self cleansing, we are seriously getting trashed!
Anyways, just kidding on the getting trashed part but, I will be taking those of you that have shown the most support out for a fancy dinner and a couple drinks. You can count on that. So now, I am trying to keep my head above the water so to speak. I know I mentioned a couple months back about talking to a select few people about how I feel and how they affect me in my life at the moment and the day is coming sooner. I can't go any further without dealing with it.
Please remember, this blog was created mainly so that I can go back and see where my progress has led me and what I need to do to continue. The support and motivation is still appreciated guys, thank you.
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