Day 154

I woke up this morning at 6am only to roll over and turn off the alarm and go back to sleep.  My next alarm went off at 7am and again, I rolled over, reset the alarm for another hour and went back to sleep.  I finally crawled out of bed at 9am and thought, oh boy, there goes the gym idea.

So, I came downstairs, made my breakfast, and got ready to start the day.  Once finished, I still wasn't satisfied and wound up going back to sleep on the couch for another hour.  I woke up at 10:45am to Matt walking in the door with Sophia and I knew I had no choice but to get up.  That's how the day started.

Once I started watching Sophia things got a little better and I thought, ok, well since Matt was here a little earlier, I might be able to get myself to the gym for a little workout before I have to go to work.  No such luck.  However, I did walk to work, and it was a half hour walk by the time I actually got there.  So really, that wasn't too bad.  At least I got some of my cardio homework in.  And while I was watching Sophia today, I did get my stretches in as well as she was crawling around on the floor around me.  So I wasn't doing to bad.

I got to work and it was turning out to be a pretty good shift.  I was able to go into the kitchen and help the girls there and it worked out pretty good.  I was able to go for my break at 7:30pm and as I finished eating my supper, all of a sudden the lights went out, and all machines were off!  Uh oh!

So it turned out that I had an extra long break which wasn't that bad at all.  A little on the dark side, but pretty good.  The lights finally came on at about 9:30pm and we were finally able to get our stuff started and head for home.  Dina (my boss) offered to give me a ride home, so I just asked her if she would mind dropping me off at Tim Horton's.  I knew that my cardio homework was 45 min and I wanted to at least get that done today.  So, I walked home from Timmie's, came home, and watched The Biggest Loser finale.

I have come to the realization that alot of the players on the show underwent alot of the feelings that I have been going through on my own journey.  I am finding that I have a different side of me that I never knew I had.  All my life I felt like such a failure and completely worthless and now I have come to realize that I am not worthless.  I also know that maybe yes, I have run into some bad luck but, at the same time, alot of the bad luck that I have received has been self inflicted.  I am now making a better life for myself and I am so much happier with myself.

Yes, I do feel like giving up some days, when it gets hard, or when I am in so much pain that it hurts to move, but you know what?  That's what happens when you neglect your body for so long.  Now I have to work that much harder to get myself into a better position and it is worth it.

When I look into the eyes of all of my nieces and nephews and see them smile and see all the love in their little faces, that's what is keeping me going.  I am doing this for myself most of all, but I am also doing this for them.  I love them all so much and I just want to be able to do things with them.  I want to be able to go with the boys and maybe play some baseball with them, if they are into that, or take them for a hike somewhere.  I want to be fit for that.

So all in all, I am proud of what I have accomplished so far, and I am not going to stop until I reach my goal.  This Sunday I am hoping to have good numbers on the scale because since Jeremy is gone to Hawaii for a week, I am going to push myself just a little bit harder for the next week and a half until I see him next Friday at 9.

Tomorrow I do not have to babysit Sophia so, the plan is that I am going to go to the gym for at least a couple of hours before I head to work.  I plan to work mostly on the eliptical for the first hour and then do weight lifting for the second as well as some of the treadmill.  Hopefully I can keep my mind busy so that I can accomplish this goal.  I am hoping to have the blog up before I go to work tomorrow but, it may turn out to be after, depending on what time I get to the gym.  :)